Gold Stars

So, I’ve a bone to pick.  Do you realize how hard it is to sit a stepchild’s sport activity next to your husband’s ex and put your best foot forward????  There are things I know that make that extremely hard.  I know it is best for both kids for me to do just that.  But, is it too much to ask, to get a gold medal or a gold star, or some other gold covered thing, to reward such behavior???  I guess my problem is, I’m still the second grade kid wanting the teacher’s approval and fill that heart with good behavior first, so I can get the prize.  How sad is that?????  I didn’t say near the things I wanted to, to THAT woman, my husband’s ex.  Not to be confused with my step kids mom.  You see this is how I get through it, and how I get my husband to get through it.  I don’t talk to or have anything to do with my husband’s former wife.  However, I will laugh at, pretend to be interested in, and genuinely listen to the kids’ mom.  That is something that is important to me.  No matter how I feel about her mothering skills, or ability to treat these girls lovingly, she will ALWAYS be their mother.  This is something I will NEVER be.  Therefore, it is important for me to know, that 2 of the three kids were pigeon toed slightly on their right foot.  That the oldest seemed to grow out of it and the youngest is on her way to growing out of it.  This is something I care about and have some professional knowledge about.  I am a dancer, a ballet, tap, jazz and ballroom professionally trained dancer.  I know about muscles and anatomy, not as much as a medical doctor, but significantly more than the average person.  This is a very important fact I learned.  Had I said the things I wanted to, to my husband’s ex, I would have NEVER learned these facts.  But because I was interested in speaking to the kids’ mom, I learned a valuable fact.  WOW, that’s what comes to putting your kids (or even your step kids) first, before your need to feel superior or better than your husband’s ex.  Now if I can just get my hubby to make me a chart where we can add up those gold stars!!  Think it will happen??  Me neither!!! HA!!

I'm nervous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m nervous.

Evidently my blog posts have taken to relating directly to my feelings!

So, today hubby had a job interview.  This is a good thing, a really good thing.  Neither of us has been employed full time since June.  HOWEVER, this may mean the honeymoon is over.  This man spoils me completely.  I do not cook, hardly ever; mostly due to the fact that I am a VERY picky eater.  I eat like most 7 year olds.  Embarrassing, I know, but hey it works for me.  I like my body (for the most part, I mean, come on I’m an American woman!)  That and trying new things is a difficult concept for me.  Just to go out with my hubby that first time took some long talks, but that’s another story. And I’m rambling, so on to the serious part of the nervousness!!

This new job may also mean more time alone with “my girls”; which is SCARY!!  I mean we are doing well, however, any changes to our current attack plan, could put that into jeopardy. 

Considering it takes money to live in this house, run the electric, gas and cable, and drives to get “my girls” every 12 days, then he needs to land this job.  However, landing it means more time away from not only “my girls” but also more time away from me.  I know that we can handle anything that comes our way, especially with God by our side and with prayer and petition.  But, hey, I’m nervous about it.  So I’m telling you all about it!!  Hoping and praying it makes me feel better.

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Oh yeah, not many people read this blog, cause I’ve decided for “my girls” sake to keep it anonymous; so that I feel free to express my real feelings.  However, no one comments and tells me I’m not crazy.  To a woman who craves “words of affirmation”, this may not have been the smartest way to go about expressing myself.  However, I couldn’t find another way.  Hmmmmm. . . . . . .

Praying for strength and wisdom, and the ability to love “my girls” like no other, I will talk to the blog world the next time I have the self-motivation I get to actually blog.

P.S.  Anybody have any good remedies for motivating oneself?????????  I’m thinking getting the hubby out of the house on a regular basis and forcing my butt to actually fend for myself, may be the best one!  HA!  However, may not be the easiest one!!  YIKES!!  Please, PRAY FOR ME!!!

THE Plan

We identified two areas both my husband and I can work on.  First, I have to start calling my husband, "Dad".  Hard for me, my dad passed away when I was 9.  I had a step-dad for about a minute in a half.  He was a real winner and I told my mom so.  But that's another story.  Because if I didn't like the girls calling my husband by his first name, then why do I??  Yikes, this is strange.  He's not my dad.  However, I've been a firm believer in parents calling each other Mom and Dad so the kids get it.  I just didn't think I would if I never birthed a child.  Oh the things that can run your life plan askew.  Second, whoops, I forgot the second thing.  Good thing I took notes, now wonder where they are?? :-)

I do remember what my husband was going to work on, being nice to the girls for the first request.  His military training makes that first request as more of a command.  It’s a little scary, at least to me!!  His second request, however, can be in the military tone.  The reason being, I want the girls to know how much he truly cares for them.  And sometimes girls don’t respond well to a military tone.  I know at least this girl doesn’t!!!  :-)

Hang on, have to fiddle through papers and find my notes, hmmmmmm, someone ate them!!!  The more you follow me, the more you will realize that’s my excuse for everything that’s lost!!

(Insert the sound of the jeopardy clock here! :-)

Uh-oh, I remembered.  My second thing to work on is listening to my husband ABOVE “my girls”!!  Hmm, what does that say, that I didn’t remember it; a question for another post.  LOL  Remember my motto:  One thing at a time!!

My husband’s second thing to work on, was being more confident with the girls.  Demanding the respect he demands from every other human on the planet, just by the way he carries himself!!

After our first family meeting I made this:

My family is extremely artistic and not very logical or time aware.  Thinking ahead and planning ahead is something they don’t always see as necessary.  However, I thrive on such things.  I made that little family poster to enforce the things we talked about during our meeting.  All of those answers were answers the girls came up with on their own.  I thought it extremely important to help them remember their answers.  So that is what came out.  I was truly afraid they would make fun of it or rip it down.  Neither happened. 

Now, what to post for their next visit???

Hmmm

Any ideas, please share!!  (Again, the sound of crickets!!)

The dreaded 10 days are over

Hey there!!  I have so many things to share and evidently only with my best friend and husband, no one else knows this blog exists (the price to remain anonymous and not hurt "my girls" feelings!)!!!!

I even have pics to post!!

I knew you'd be excited!!  I wonder if this is how P-Dub started???? Hmmm, must trudge forward.

First, that was the most difficult and blessed 10 days of my life.  Spending more time with the girls actually helped our relationship.  Who would've guessed???  NOT ME, that is for sure!!  The kids and I really started to bond after I set my foot down and we had our first "family meeting".  These meetings I really hated as a kid, but aways felt better afterward.  Which is exactly what I told "my girls".  (Notice, how they are not my step-daughters anymore???  They're "my girls"????  I've jumped in and claimed them and things have gotten so much better.  Both inside my head and heart, and outside!! :-))

Most of what I know about relationships comes from my mother and the psychology background she has.  As she has always stated, the only thing you can control in life is your own reaction and feelings to a situation.  I knew I could not control how the girls acted, felt, or were raised in the past.  I knew I could change my outlook.  First, they didn't choose this.  Second, they would be respectful of me and my household, even if that meant taking away Christmas presents.  (Which I did threaten, seriously threaten to do.  And was fully prepared to follow through on if forced to.  The later of that statement, I think, is the most important!  Which hurt me, more than it hurt her, I'm sure of it.  I'm finally understanding all those parenting cliches that we all think are stupid until we ourselves are parents)  And things were much better.  There was more interaction, less head down and disengaging from reality.  More all being in the same room, less everyone to their own corner.  Granted everyone was in the same room all doing separate activities, but hey, I've decided to conquer one thing at a time here.  To quote my favorite line of all time, "I do one thing at a time, I do it very well, and THEN I move on."  Bonus points to all those who can name what that  comes from.  HINT:  70's TV show!  And who I think I 'm talking to is unknown, but as I said, ONE thing at a time!!

So things went really smoothly, shockingly, shockingly smoothly.  I only had one breakdown (post family meeting that is) and that was more about leaving a part of the girls here in the house.  If you walked into my house right now, well first you would know what a slob I am.  And second, you wouldn't even know two girls ages 9 and 17 spent 10 whole days here.  That hurt me.  And that statement in and of itself SHOCKED me to death!!  So, we spent the whole ride home and half the night discussing how to make things better.  AND I really think it will work.

I will discuss those in a later post (maybe even today!).  However, I'm leaving you with a picture of my nightstand reading.  You think I'm a little obsessed with my new role???

Notice, the one at the bottom.  Auntie Clause, my favorite kids Christmas book.  Told me more about myself than anything.  I like being Auntie, Mom or anything close like step-mom, kinda stresses me out.  I figure admission is the first step!!

Hope your Christmas, was just as enlightening as mine, with a little less whack in forehead with a 2x4!

Christmas Traditions

Okay, I realize, being new to this, I don't have many followers, but I'm in desperate need of input. This is my first Christmas married and with two step-daughters.

What do I do, to make it feel like Christmas, and not rushed or pressured.

I'm really worried about this, however, as my husband will testify, I am a GREAT worrier, about any and many things.  So I guess I shouldn't be concerned that I'm worried???

Please help, share your favorite Christmas traditions???

Please!!

Need your help to make this Christmas special!!

Thanks!

Second Post

So it's time to post again, amazing how a blank screen can be a bit intimidating!!  But here goes - My thought for the week, is it bad that I'm looking forward to our "off" week???  Meaning this is the weekend without my wonderful step-daughters.  To take the time as our own, to sleep (or other activities - I mean come on - we've only been married 3 1/2 months!  TMI?) in our bedroom with the door open, to walk around dressed or not, is it bad to say I truly enjoy living life married to my man with no other person (or animal, that's a story for a different post) in this house??  If so, I'm bad and I admit it!!

On an unrelated note, is there anything that's too short to post, as long as it's longer than a tweet??  LOL