THE Plan

We identified two areas both my husband and I can work on.  First, I have to start calling my husband, "Dad".  Hard for me, my dad passed away when I was 9.  I had a step-dad for about a minute in a half.  He was a real winner and I told my mom so.  But that's another story.  Because if I didn't like the girls calling my husband by his first name, then why do I??  Yikes, this is strange.  He's not my dad.  However, I've been a firm believer in parents calling each other Mom and Dad so the kids get it.  I just didn't think I would if I never birthed a child.  Oh the things that can run your life plan askew.  Second, whoops, I forgot the second thing.  Good thing I took notes, now wonder where they are?? :-)

I do remember what my husband was going to work on, being nice to the girls for the first request.  His military training makes that first request as more of a command.  It’s a little scary, at least to me!!  His second request, however, can be in the military tone.  The reason being, I want the girls to know how much he truly cares for them.  And sometimes girls don’t respond well to a military tone.  I know at least this girl doesn’t!!!  :-)

Hang on, have to fiddle through papers and find my notes, hmmmmmm, someone ate them!!!  The more you follow me, the more you will realize that’s my excuse for everything that’s lost!!

(Insert the sound of the jeopardy clock here! :-)

Uh-oh, I remembered.  My second thing to work on is listening to my husband ABOVE “my girls”!!  Hmm, what does that say, that I didn’t remember it; a question for another post.  LOL  Remember my motto:  One thing at a time!!

My husband’s second thing to work on, was being more confident with the girls.  Demanding the respect he demands from every other human on the planet, just by the way he carries himself!!

After our first family meeting I made this:

My family is extremely artistic and not very logical or time aware.  Thinking ahead and planning ahead is something they don’t always see as necessary.  However, I thrive on such things.  I made that little family poster to enforce the things we talked about during our meeting.  All of those answers were answers the girls came up with on their own.  I thought it extremely important to help them remember their answers.  So that is what came out.  I was truly afraid they would make fun of it or rip it down.  Neither happened. 

Now, what to post for their next visit???

Hmmm

Any ideas, please share!!  (Again, the sound of crickets!!)

The dreaded 10 days are over

Hey there!!  I have so many things to share and evidently only with my best friend and husband, no one else knows this blog exists (the price to remain anonymous and not hurt "my girls" feelings!)!!!!

I even have pics to post!!

I knew you'd be excited!!  I wonder if this is how P-Dub started???? Hmmm, must trudge forward.

First, that was the most difficult and blessed 10 days of my life.  Spending more time with the girls actually helped our relationship.  Who would've guessed???  NOT ME, that is for sure!!  The kids and I really started to bond after I set my foot down and we had our first "family meeting".  These meetings I really hated as a kid, but aways felt better afterward.  Which is exactly what I told "my girls".  (Notice, how they are not my step-daughters anymore???  They're "my girls"????  I've jumped in and claimed them and things have gotten so much better.  Both inside my head and heart, and outside!! :-))

Most of what I know about relationships comes from my mother and the psychology background she has.  As she has always stated, the only thing you can control in life is your own reaction and feelings to a situation.  I knew I could not control how the girls acted, felt, or were raised in the past.  I knew I could change my outlook.  First, they didn't choose this.  Second, they would be respectful of me and my household, even if that meant taking away Christmas presents.  (Which I did threaten, seriously threaten to do.  And was fully prepared to follow through on if forced to.  The later of that statement, I think, is the most important!  Which hurt me, more than it hurt her, I'm sure of it.  I'm finally understanding all those parenting cliches that we all think are stupid until we ourselves are parents)  And things were much better.  There was more interaction, less head down and disengaging from reality.  More all being in the same room, less everyone to their own corner.  Granted everyone was in the same room all doing separate activities, but hey, I've decided to conquer one thing at a time here.  To quote my favorite line of all time, "I do one thing at a time, I do it very well, and THEN I move on."  Bonus points to all those who can name what that  comes from.  HINT:  70's TV show!  And who I think I 'm talking to is unknown, but as I said, ONE thing at a time!!

So things went really smoothly, shockingly, shockingly smoothly.  I only had one breakdown (post family meeting that is) and that was more about leaving a part of the girls here in the house.  If you walked into my house right now, well first you would know what a slob I am.  And second, you wouldn't even know two girls ages 9 and 17 spent 10 whole days here.  That hurt me.  And that statement in and of itself SHOCKED me to death!!  So, we spent the whole ride home and half the night discussing how to make things better.  AND I really think it will work.

I will discuss those in a later post (maybe even today!).  However, I'm leaving you with a picture of my nightstand reading.  You think I'm a little obsessed with my new role???

Notice, the one at the bottom.  Auntie Clause, my favorite kids Christmas book.  Told me more about myself than anything.  I like being Auntie, Mom or anything close like step-mom, kinda stresses me out.  I figure admission is the first step!!

Hope your Christmas, was just as enlightening as mine, with a little less whack in forehead with a 2x4!

Christmas Traditions

Okay, I realize, being new to this, I don't have many followers, but I'm in desperate need of input. This is my first Christmas married and with two step-daughters.

What do I do, to make it feel like Christmas, and not rushed or pressured.

I'm really worried about this, however, as my husband will testify, I am a GREAT worrier, about any and many things.  So I guess I shouldn't be concerned that I'm worried???

Please help, share your favorite Christmas traditions???

Please!!

Need your help to make this Christmas special!!

Thanks!

Sharing

Well, guess what??  I've discovered the secret to Step Parenting.  It's sharing.  I know, simple enough, how come it took me this long, and how in the world does it seem so hard.  Well to truly answer those questions, I must start at the beginning. 

I'm the oldest child and the only girl.  So sharing wasn't really learned well.  I mean what brother wants to play with his sister's girly toys.  And what sister wants to play with boy toys.  Definitely NOT me!!  I was never and will never be anything resembling a tom boy.  Besides some of my mom's MANY rules, I've discovered, were really anti-sharing.  Such as, no sharing of clothing or jewelry with any girl.  Do you know what that does to a junior high and high school girl's social life.  It crashes, but that's another story, all in and of itself.

So I must share more, share my space, share my things, share my relationships, especially with my husband.  I'm not good at sharing, never have been.  So please, pray for me.  Because you see, my lovely step-daughters will be spending 10 days with us for the holidays. 

Did you hear that???

10 full days??

I'm not freaking out.

No, not at all.

I wasn't meant to be a full-time mom.  I KNOW THIS.  If I had any doubts, believe me being a step mom every twelve days to a 9 and 17 year old, drives the point home.

Please pray for me, as I do try my best to share on the outside, while on the inside I will be screaming . . . .

LEAVE ME ALONE, IT'S ALL MINE like a silly two year old.

OH

MY

THIS

IS

GONNA

BE

HARD.

PLEASE PRAY!!

Thanks -
the worst step mom ever!