To chore or NOT to chore . . . .
As you know, I have to step-daughters. However, since one just recently graduated from high school, we’ve been forced to a one kid family. (The oldest is spending the summer at church camp working as a counselor and then will move to college almost directly from camp. L) The dynamics are SO different, SO calm, and SO almost easy. Now, I don’t want to jinx myself, but our last visit had NO drama; which is the very FIRST time that has happened!!! However, that is a completely different post!!
I’m asking all my fellow stepmoms about the chore issue. I am a stepmom, who sees her step kids every 12 days for 48 hours. Translated that means every other weekend. Do we as a family enforce “chore” duty? She is 10. She is capable of much. I have NO IDEA what she has to do at her mom and stepdad’s house. We are not in a relationship where this can be discussed. Trust me; it’s just not there yet. My feeling is, this child is handed EVERYTHING on a silver platter. She is not expected to do ANYTHING. So “making” her do “typical” 10 year old chores may be starting WWIII; which is exactly why I haven’t. However, I’m wondering if I am actually creating a disservice towards her for this?? I would love to hear your opinion and your routines. Even if you are not a stepmom, what do you require, how do you handle it?? I’m a first time mom, and it’s a stepmom, and it’s to a precarious 10 year old girl. PLEASE SEND HELP!!
Thanks!!
Here is my opinion. I would have her do chores like pick up after herself, make the bed she sleeps in, clean the room she stays in, help set the table for supper, clear the table afterwards, and help with the dishes.
ReplyDeleteBecause she is only there every other weekend and doesn't live there on a daily basis, I would not have her do chores like dusting, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, etc. She should be doing those kinds of things at her other home, but even if she isn't, she should not be doing them at your house.
I am a stepmum, but a bit different to you, as my skids live with me full time, as well as my bio kids, and with 5 kids, i HAVE to have jobs for them all. But yes, I think you'll do her a disservice if you don't teach her responsibility. However, ensure you have biodad on your side first.
ReplyDeleteI'm a step-mom of 4 step-daughters...all raised now, and almost on their own. The last two are finishing at the University and Law School. I had a strange scenario of a court order pretty much handing my husband all of the care(already full custody of the oldest), but no break on child support, so I had to step in and really be there while he worked all of the time. They still were at their Moms'(2 of them) about 1/2 time, and there was never any back up from them in any parenting situations. Because I was placed in charge, I made it my household and my rules, and yes, chore assignments and responsibilities. I think it really helped with the respect I received, and the good relationship I still have with them. I think kids like to know that you think they are capable, and your step-daughter may fight you at first, but will come to actually appreciate you for it.
ReplyDeleteThanks for coming by and voting in our Battles!
Courtney:)
I too am a new step mom to two young children and it is so frustrating but so wonderful. I am with the kids full time but my advice to you would be just to enforce picking up after her self and maybe helping with things like putting away dishes or wiping the table. Its good to encourage our children to pitch in and do their part. You can make it into a game too. I always turn music on and my 4 year cleans with me!
ReplyDeleteI too am a new stepmom and have 3 stepkids (14yrs girl,11 yrs girl & 4yrs boy) It's apparent to me and the hubby that the children aren't expected to anything unless there is $ involved!!! Manners are not used by the 4yrs old at all unless I remind him! Frustrating!! The oldest is lazy and will not lift a finger or offer to help one bit!!! The middle child will help out without being asked though and she is my dream child. The 4yr old is "spoiled" and KING of everything and makes a huge mess and then walks away...if I ask him to clean up most times he ignores me and hubby will not reinforce me for he feels guilty because we only see them every second weekend. When we have them for longer than 48hrs, I will be inforcing some small chores for sure and I don't feel that is too much to ask!!
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