I’ve always wanted, or rather dreamed, of writing – being an author – typing in strange locations, at coffee houses, at home in front of the fireplace . . . You get the idea. And lately I’ve found myself with some time on my hands, as well as, some new challenges; mainly marriage and children. When I dreamed of getting married, never in my wildest imagination did I think I would get them both AT THE SAME TIME. Well I did!! I inherited, so to speak, a 9 year old step-daughter, a 17 year old step daughter, a dead 18 year old step-son, and a 18 year old step-nephew (that was treated like a son, as his mother was killed in a drunk driving accident 2 years ago.). That is a lot for any one person to handle, and believe me I thought about chunking the whole idea more than once. Just ask my husband. You see MLA (my husband) is a very special person; a resilient and strong person. He’s served overseas in the military and seen battle, participated in battle, and sent home friends in body bags. And although he is very strong, he also loves strong. The death of his sister in a drunk driving accident almost two years ago, shook him. But no one knew it. That’s how strong he is. Then his son was killed in a tragic 4 wheeler accident. This almost killed my husband. Did I mention he wasn’t my husband at this point in his life. We had just reconnected, as we graduated from high school together and found each other via facebook. Can you believe that? Me either!! We connected just 12 days before his son’s accident. It was just talking (more like flirting, but I wasn’t admitting that to anyone!) until RLA’s death. Then all the games and flirting stopped. It was time to be there for MLA, and I have never felt a stronger calling on my life (if you will) than that particular calling. We were in touch constantly via text for the next while, as we lived in different states. My job at the time, prevented me from being there with him at the funeral with all of his family. However, it was God’s will for us not to be together, not just yet anyway. It was during this trial and tribulation that MLA began to see me differently. At least that’s what he said. My vision of him never changed. I knew the instant we reconnected that something was special about this man, something meant just for me. But I wasn’t ready to admit it to him, to myself, let alone anyone else.
However, I’m getting a little off subject. You see I’m writing (typing in front of the TV as we don’t have a fireplace in this house!) to express my feelings about many things, mainly step-parenting. You see, as a step-parent, you are thrown into the fire. There is no easing into it. You have to jump in with both feet, all heart, and lots and lots of prayer. Also, most of my friends who are married are still on their first marriage with what I call the “original” family. To me an original family is one where the birth mother & birth father live under the same roof with the children they birthed. I have no friends who are step-parents. I have friends who have spouses that are step-parents, but none who are. I couldn’t believe it. I needed someone to talk to about all this, to vent to, to be there to yell at. I didn’t have anyone, so this writing is going to be my venting. It’s the only way I can see getting through this. Because this past weekend, with the girls, I saw hope. 
We drive 2 ½ hours one way to get the girls every other weekend. So lots of time is spent in the car. Which can be both a good and bad thing. This last trip, I was tired, REALLY tired and fell asleep in the front seat. Out of the blue, I hear the youngest one screaming at the top of her lungs, because she doesn’t understand there is more than one volume level in life. We are trying to teach her, and actually making progress about using “inside” voices!! She screams, “Hey, JLA . . . .” to which my loving husband says, “She’s asleep.” Then she WHISPERS, “ok dad, this is for you.” I have no idea what else she said. Because she WHISPERED because I WAS ASLEEP. Please tell me you see the giant strides we made in that one sentence. First, she realized she was being loud. Second, she realized the considerate thing to do was to be quieter. Quiet and Considerate. These are both traits I see in this lovely young woman called my step-daughter, but this was the FIRST time she used these traits towards ME. I was shocked, and yet AWAKE. I was at a total loss as of how to react. Do I wake up immediately and thank her for being so kind as to quiet down. No then she knows I am awake, and her attempt worked. Do I pretend to be asleep?? No, I’m the worst at pretending, at least pretending well enough to convince anyone else that my pretending is realistic. So I laid there with my eyes half open, turned and smiled at my understanding husband. Then I thought; does he understand? Does he know? We haven’t yet discussed it, and knowing him, he will say she’s always been considerate of you. The things a man doesn’t understand are not up for discussion here, but please know, the relationship between his daughters and his wife is something he will never truly understand. It’s just the nature of the beast. It always will be.
We drive 2 ½ hours one way to get the girls every other weekend. So lots of time is spent in the car. Which can be both a good and bad thing. This last trip, I was tired, REALLY tired and fell asleep in the front seat. Out of the blue, I hear the youngest one screaming at the top of her lungs, because she doesn’t understand there is more than one volume level in life. We are trying to teach her, and actually making progress about using “inside” voices!! She screams, “Hey, JLA . . . .” to which my loving husband says, “She’s asleep.” Then she WHISPERS, “ok dad, this is for you.” I have no idea what else she said. Because she WHISPERED because I WAS ASLEEP. Please tell me you see the giant strides we made in that one sentence. First, she realized she was being loud. Second, she realized the considerate thing to do was to be quieter. Quiet and Considerate. These are both traits I see in this lovely young woman called my step-daughter, but this was the FIRST time she used these traits towards ME. I was shocked, and yet AWAKE. I was at a total loss as of how to react. Do I wake up immediately and thank her for being so kind as to quiet down. No then she knows I am awake, and her attempt worked. Do I pretend to be asleep?? No, I’m the worst at pretending, at least pretending well enough to convince anyone else that my pretending is realistic. So I laid there with my eyes half open, turned and smiled at my understanding husband. Then I thought; does he understand? Does he know? We haven’t yet discussed it, and knowing him, he will say she’s always been considerate of you. The things a man doesn’t understand are not up for discussion here, but please know, the relationship between his daughters and his wife is something he will never truly understand. It’s just the nature of the beast. It always will be. So there it is the hope of being a successful step-parent. Well successful isn’t the word. However, I have yet to discover what the word is. When I discover it, be sure, I will let you know.
**Author's Note - I'm only using initials instead of names, to protect the feelings of my loving family!!!
Great start! Can't wait to read more.
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