FULL information

Setting boundaries as a stepmom is so important. There are just some things I don't need to know and that are best handled by my husband..@cafeSmom on twitter

This is one of the many Stepmoms I follow on twitter.  This quote literally rocked my world.  I am still struggling with this thought.  I am a Type A, perfectionist, organized personality.  I need FULL information about everything before I can make an informed decision.  This is the way I was raised.  I can’t make a decision unless I have FULL information.  I can’t help you with your problem unless I have FULL information.  I have no idea when this started, but I know this is ingrained deep inside me.  I’m not even sure why, I just know I have always asked for FULL information.  In any argument, you most likely will hear me say something regarding FULL information. 

To be able to be “okay” with letting my husband handle his own kids his own way, without my input or knowledge is still a foreign concept to me.  And I do understand, this would only be best in certain situations, as if the child is mad at the mom.  That has nothing to do with the stepmom.  However, I don’t give up control easily.  I’ve spent almost two days thinking about this quote, and even had a twitter exchange with @cafeSmom to help me understand.  Well, I found the bottom line.  And I’m not sure it’s nice or acceptable, and could start a major relationship issue for me.  But I’ve learned one thing in my almost 39 years on this earth.  You can’t solve the problem, if you don’t admit to the problem.

Here is my problem:  My husband is not the best dad there ever was.  He is an “outta sight, outta mind” dad.  Meaning the 12 days we don’t have the kids, there is no communication or discussion about the kids, unless I bring it up.  We’ve discussed it and discussed it; he says he wants to be more communicative with his kids.  He never does it.  I realize I have to be the kind of Stepmom that equals the kind of Dad he wants to be.  However, what he says he wants and what he acts on are two totally different things.  I struggle with “helping” him be the Dad he wants to be vs. “letting” him screw up his girls lives on his own.  I know that sounds harsh, but some of you have to understand where I’m coming from, right?????  It is a daily struggle for me, to “let” him be the Dad he wants to be.  For me, that means treating these girls as nieces, not as step-daughters.  Does anyone understand how HARD that is for me??????????  It means daily giving up and sacrificing the kind of stepmom I wanna be to be the “aunt” that my husband wants me to be.

So please, weigh in, tell me how nuts or how wrong or how right you think I am.  As Stepmoms we need to stick together and help each other!!!

Thanks, still asking for your prayers and still praying for you!!