You wanna do what???

So I posted last May regarding my new dream, stand up comedy.  I've watched, admired, laughed, and dreamed for years about it.  I only started admitting to it a few months back.  And I do get a few laughs now and then, but in a classroom type setting.  You see I'm a dance teacher (so much for being completely anonymous on this blog); a 25 year veteran dance teacher.  So I have a few "routine" jokes to get the class relaxed.  After 25 years I can deliver these jokes without too much thought or prep and at least usually get a chuckle or obligatory laugh.  Well, I've just been offered the opportunity to do a stand-up type routine for a ladies group.


HELLO
SCARED
AND
EXCITED
AT
THE
SAME
TIME.

I'm 40 years old, and I didn't even know it was possible to have those emotions at the same time.  This ladies group is at my home church of 14 years.  There are people that know me well, there are people that have never even HEARD of me.  (We go to a fairly large church with average attendance of about 1500). 

So I'd like your advice, do I do it?  Will you help me test my "material"?  Yikes!!  What if I fail??  Worse, what if I'm really good and I have to do it again??  The thoughts swimming in my head barely stay still long enough for me to carry on normal daily life.

Please help me and share your thoughts!!!

Pray for me as I continue to pray for you!!

THANKS!!!  :-)

July 31, 2012

It's been a LONG time since I've blogged.  Can we just ignore that fact and get on with what's on my heart????

Thank you SO much!!

:)

2 years

7/31/12

It’s been a ride in a half.  How you have half a ride I don’t know.  But I know this, just tell my husband and I we can’t and we will find a way too!!  We got married under questionable circumstances, at least according to MY family.  His family may have disagreed as well; however, no one has told me anything about it (until someone decides to open up after reading this post YIKES!).  He was unemployed.  Recent honorable discharge from full time military duty made it difficult to find a job in 2010.  Then under circumstances that no one would fully understand, I chose to leave my job of 9 years just 20 days before the wedding.  Can you say, oops??  Talk about hard!  There was NO money.  There were NO jobs.  We were looking, but we were more importantly learning a lot about each other; how to deal with the real world and still love each other.  You know it’s possible.  We did it!  We have a stronger marriage because of it.  BUT IT WAS HARD!  And we are still struggling; however, we are both working.  And although I’m not working full time, my stress level is LOW and time to take care of our home and our family is there!

I tell you all this to tell you this – I am married to the most wonderful man in the whole entire world.  I truly believe there is no one else on earth that would “complete” me the way he does.  Not that I wasn’t complete on my own, because believe me I was and I would tell you so at every available chance.  He knows how to encourage me.  He knows how to love me unconditionally.  He knows how to make me laugh IN EVERY CIRCUMSTANCE.  (Believe it or not, once upon a time, that was the hardest thing to accomplish!)  Yes, he also knows how to drive me crazy, frustrate me, push all my buttons, and make me angrier than any other human on the planet.  BUT THAT IS NOT WHAT THIS POST IS ABOUT!  J 

Our anniversary yesterday was fantabulously (one of my many original words ;)) wonderful.  He surprised me, gave me flowers, cards (yes plural two cards for two years, his words not mine) gave me gifts (two of those as well) took me to breakfast and dinner, rolled with the punches when the restaurant he made reservations at closed due to no power.  He told me not to get him anything, I didn’t.  I don’t like how that feels.  I am pretty good at buying gifts, but when money is tight I’m not very creative.  So, I’m telling the world via, my little neglected blog what an awesome man he truly is.  You may not believe me, and I’m finally old enough and secure enough not to care.  Just want the world to know, this woman has found her perfect helpmeet.  I pray every woman on the planet gets to feel this way for as long as humanly possible.

I do love you babe, and really hope we live long enough to be married 50 years!!

Long time no see

So sorry for the longest delay in posting. Job will be changing July 1 and I hope and pray I can post more regularly. My newest (positive) passion is the dream of being a stand up comic. I love to make people laugh. Which is probably why I get so upset, annoyed, irritated and downright cranky when my family plays the trauma drama card!!! My prayer is that I can focus on the funny that comes out of theses situations instead of the trauma drama. Lately I haven't succeeded in that venue!!! Please pray for me as I pray for you!!

To chore or NOT to chore????????????????????

To chore or NOT to chore . . . .

As you know, I have to step-daughters.  However, since one just recently graduated from high school, we’ve been forced to a one kid family.  (The oldest is spending the summer at church camp working as a counselor and then will move to college almost directly from camp. L) The dynamics are SO different, SO calm, and SO almost easy.  Now, I don’t want to jinx myself, but our last visit had NO drama; which is the very FIRST time that has happened!!!  However, that is a completely different post!!

I’m asking all my fellow stepmoms about the chore issue.  I am a stepmom, who sees her step kids every 12 days for 48 hours.  Translated that means every other weekend.  Do we as a family enforce “chore” duty?  She is 10.  She is capable of much.  I have NO IDEA what she has to do at her mom and stepdad’s house.  We are not in a relationship where this can be discussed.  Trust me; it’s just not there yet.  My feeling is, this child is handed EVERYTHING on a silver platter.  She is not expected to do ANYTHING.  So “making” her do “typical” 10 year old chores may be starting WWIII; which is exactly why I haven’t.  However, I’m wondering if I am actually creating a disservice towards her for this??  I would love to hear your opinion and your routines.  Even if you are not a stepmom, what do you require, how do you handle it??  I’m a first time mom, and it’s a stepmom, and it’s to a precarious 10 year old girl.  PLEASE SEND HELP!!

Thanks!!

To have or NOT to have . . . . . .

To have, or NOT to have

We lived through yesterday, but I swear I can’t trust my hormones anymore.  My hair turned curly for a month, and then just abruptly went back to the straight with one wave in the back.  I cry at the drop of the hat, or not.  And we don’t even need to talk about frustration or anger; it only takes a millisecond to push me over the edge.  NO I AM NOT PREGNANT; I’ve taken my pretty little pill every day like clockwork, even set a phone alarm so I can’t forget to take it.  The last thing I need in this step mom life is a child.  I can’t even tell you how many times my husband and I have discussed it and how many times logically I feel one way and emotionally I feel another!!  Whew!!  I needed to get that off my chest!!  Thanks for listening, or reading as the case may be!!  I have a feeling this year is gonna be emotional.  I always promised myself IF I chose to have children I would do it before I was 40.  (I turned 39 on Monday).  So I know this is the last year.  I’m finally in a loving, dedicated, and lifetime committed relationship.  But I also realize, we are not financially or emotionally ready for such another lifetime commitment.  I’m too selfish.  I need MY time.  I need at least 10 hours of sleep a night (I actually work better with 12 hours).  These are things that CAN NOT and WILL NOT happen with a newborn in the house!   I know, my youngest brother was born when I was 17.  His father (my stepfather) left when he was 6 months old.    I was the second parent, right or wrong, that was my role in the family.  I don’t want the burden of a child. 

Hmm, so I am telling my reasons, or trying to talk myself out of this????????  Please tell me, how did you make your choice to have or not to have?  I’d love to know!!!

RLA

RLA

Today marks two years without him, my husband’s only son.  I’ve blogged about him before.  Today is marked with so many emotions.  I long for my husband’s grieving to be “over”, yet intellectually I know that may never happen.  Not until the day he gets to see his son in heaven reunited with Jesus.  I pray for my husband today, that the grief won’t overtake him, yet I don’t want to forget.  I know my husband doesn’t want to forget him.  I miss the boy.  I never met the boy.  He was almost a man, just less than a month from 18.  His youngest sister is now older than he will ever be.   His baby sister is a decade old.  These are things he doesn’t get to experience.   In some ways this is so sad and depressing; it’s hard to get out of bed.  In some ways, it makes me really feel for his mom.  I can’t imagine the pain she’s going through, and I should probably be more understanding when she exerts her “momness” of the two girls into our lives.  I would never take away that she is the mom of three kids.  But as a stepmom (and you fellow stepmoms know what I mean), the bio mom can just be a pain in the neck.  However, that is a complete different post.  This is about RLA. 

I have no words.

I only have sad thoughts.

I miss him.

I never met him.

I love him.

I love to hear stories about him.

I wish I knew more.

I wish I knew less.

I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish.

Wishing doesn’t do anyone any good.

I’m doing my best to step one foot in front of the other.  (bad musical memory here, did anyone else hear it?)

Pray for me today.

Pray for RLA’s dad today.

Pray for RLA’s sisters today.

Pray for RLA’s mom today.

Pray for RLA’s grandparents today.

Let’s all pray together!

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for your generous blessings and protections.  Please allow the angel of the Lord to encamp around each of the people hurting today over RLA’s loss.  Our loss is your gain.  May the peace that passes all understanding envelop each individual that hurts.  In Jesus Mighty Name I pray.  AMEN. 

The Oldest's Graduation

I know you are all dying to know how it went; being with the “other” side of the family, etc.  Well, I lived through it.  But that was the single worst night of my life.  I hope and pray the oldest didn’t see my misery; however, I’m pretty sure she did.  And I feel horrible for it, still!!  I am trying desperately to move forward.  But this is something I struggle with, moving forward.  I’d much rather evaluate and examine every thought, move and feeling from the past, as so I can learn from it.  You know what I’ve learned?  Sometimes, that just doesn’t cut it.  Sometimes, it’s better to say, I screwed that up royally, can we please just move forward?  There are so many things that went wrong that night, both personally in my own head, in my marriage with a lack of communication, and with being with the “other” side of the family.  It’s really just best not to rehash it.  I just hope I’ve learned to move on my instincts to stay home, when they tell me.  And I hope my husband has learned to keep his word, when we’ve discussed a particular situation.  Please pray for me, my husband, my marriage and my wonderful step-daughter, who left for her summer job, then off to college.  We may never see her again, and that isn’t one of my dramatic over the top exaggerations!! L