To chore or NOT to chore????????????????????

To chore or NOT to chore . . . .

As you know, I have to step-daughters.  However, since one just recently graduated from high school, we’ve been forced to a one kid family.  (The oldest is spending the summer at church camp working as a counselor and then will move to college almost directly from camp. L) The dynamics are SO different, SO calm, and SO almost easy.  Now, I don’t want to jinx myself, but our last visit had NO drama; which is the very FIRST time that has happened!!!  However, that is a completely different post!!

I’m asking all my fellow stepmoms about the chore issue.  I am a stepmom, who sees her step kids every 12 days for 48 hours.  Translated that means every other weekend.  Do we as a family enforce “chore” duty?  She is 10.  She is capable of much.  I have NO IDEA what she has to do at her mom and stepdad’s house.  We are not in a relationship where this can be discussed.  Trust me; it’s just not there yet.  My feeling is, this child is handed EVERYTHING on a silver platter.  She is not expected to do ANYTHING.  So “making” her do “typical” 10 year old chores may be starting WWIII; which is exactly why I haven’t.  However, I’m wondering if I am actually creating a disservice towards her for this??  I would love to hear your opinion and your routines.  Even if you are not a stepmom, what do you require, how do you handle it??  I’m a first time mom, and it’s a stepmom, and it’s to a precarious 10 year old girl.  PLEASE SEND HELP!!

Thanks!!

To have or NOT to have . . . . . .

To have, or NOT to have

We lived through yesterday, but I swear I can’t trust my hormones anymore.  My hair turned curly for a month, and then just abruptly went back to the straight with one wave in the back.  I cry at the drop of the hat, or not.  And we don’t even need to talk about frustration or anger; it only takes a millisecond to push me over the edge.  NO I AM NOT PREGNANT; I’ve taken my pretty little pill every day like clockwork, even set a phone alarm so I can’t forget to take it.  The last thing I need in this step mom life is a child.  I can’t even tell you how many times my husband and I have discussed it and how many times logically I feel one way and emotionally I feel another!!  Whew!!  I needed to get that off my chest!!  Thanks for listening, or reading as the case may be!!  I have a feeling this year is gonna be emotional.  I always promised myself IF I chose to have children I would do it before I was 40.  (I turned 39 on Monday).  So I know this is the last year.  I’m finally in a loving, dedicated, and lifetime committed relationship.  But I also realize, we are not financially or emotionally ready for such another lifetime commitment.  I’m too selfish.  I need MY time.  I need at least 10 hours of sleep a night (I actually work better with 12 hours).  These are things that CAN NOT and WILL NOT happen with a newborn in the house!   I know, my youngest brother was born when I was 17.  His father (my stepfather) left when he was 6 months old.    I was the second parent, right or wrong, that was my role in the family.  I don’t want the burden of a child. 

Hmm, so I am telling my reasons, or trying to talk myself out of this????????  Please tell me, how did you make your choice to have or not to have?  I’d love to know!!!

RLA

RLA

Today marks two years without him, my husband’s only son.  I’ve blogged about him before.  Today is marked with so many emotions.  I long for my husband’s grieving to be “over”, yet intellectually I know that may never happen.  Not until the day he gets to see his son in heaven reunited with Jesus.  I pray for my husband today, that the grief won’t overtake him, yet I don’t want to forget.  I know my husband doesn’t want to forget him.  I miss the boy.  I never met the boy.  He was almost a man, just less than a month from 18.  His youngest sister is now older than he will ever be.   His baby sister is a decade old.  These are things he doesn’t get to experience.   In some ways this is so sad and depressing; it’s hard to get out of bed.  In some ways, it makes me really feel for his mom.  I can’t imagine the pain she’s going through, and I should probably be more understanding when she exerts her “momness” of the two girls into our lives.  I would never take away that she is the mom of three kids.  But as a stepmom (and you fellow stepmoms know what I mean), the bio mom can just be a pain in the neck.  However, that is a complete different post.  This is about RLA. 

I have no words.

I only have sad thoughts.

I miss him.

I never met him.

I love him.

I love to hear stories about him.

I wish I knew more.

I wish I knew less.

I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish.

Wishing doesn’t do anyone any good.

I’m doing my best to step one foot in front of the other.  (bad musical memory here, did anyone else hear it?)

Pray for me today.

Pray for RLA’s dad today.

Pray for RLA’s sisters today.

Pray for RLA’s mom today.

Pray for RLA’s grandparents today.

Let’s all pray together!

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for your generous blessings and protections.  Please allow the angel of the Lord to encamp around each of the people hurting today over RLA’s loss.  Our loss is your gain.  May the peace that passes all understanding envelop each individual that hurts.  In Jesus Mighty Name I pray.  AMEN.