THE Plan

We identified two areas both my husband and I can work on.  First, I have to start calling my husband, "Dad".  Hard for me, my dad passed away when I was 9.  I had a step-dad for about a minute in a half.  He was a real winner and I told my mom so.  But that's another story.  Because if I didn't like the girls calling my husband by his first name, then why do I??  Yikes, this is strange.  He's not my dad.  However, I've been a firm believer in parents calling each other Mom and Dad so the kids get it.  I just didn't think I would if I never birthed a child.  Oh the things that can run your life plan askew.  Second, whoops, I forgot the second thing.  Good thing I took notes, now wonder where they are?? :-)

I do remember what my husband was going to work on, being nice to the girls for the first request.  His military training makes that first request as more of a command.  It’s a little scary, at least to me!!  His second request, however, can be in the military tone.  The reason being, I want the girls to know how much he truly cares for them.  And sometimes girls don’t respond well to a military tone.  I know at least this girl doesn’t!!!  :-)

Hang on, have to fiddle through papers and find my notes, hmmmmmm, someone ate them!!!  The more you follow me, the more you will realize that’s my excuse for everything that’s lost!!

(Insert the sound of the jeopardy clock here! :-)

Uh-oh, I remembered.  My second thing to work on is listening to my husband ABOVE “my girls”!!  Hmm, what does that say, that I didn’t remember it; a question for another post.  LOL  Remember my motto:  One thing at a time!!

My husband’s second thing to work on, was being more confident with the girls.  Demanding the respect he demands from every other human on the planet, just by the way he carries himself!!

After our first family meeting I made this:

My family is extremely artistic and not very logical or time aware.  Thinking ahead and planning ahead is something they don’t always see as necessary.  However, I thrive on such things.  I made that little family poster to enforce the things we talked about during our meeting.  All of those answers were answers the girls came up with on their own.  I thought it extremely important to help them remember their answers.  So that is what came out.  I was truly afraid they would make fun of it or rip it down.  Neither happened. 

Now, what to post for their next visit???

Hmmm

Any ideas, please share!!  (Again, the sound of crickets!!)

The dreaded 10 days are over

Hey there!!  I have so many things to share and evidently only with my best friend and husband, no one else knows this blog exists (the price to remain anonymous and not hurt "my girls" feelings!)!!!!

I even have pics to post!!

I knew you'd be excited!!  I wonder if this is how P-Dub started???? Hmmm, must trudge forward.

First, that was the most difficult and blessed 10 days of my life.  Spending more time with the girls actually helped our relationship.  Who would've guessed???  NOT ME, that is for sure!!  The kids and I really started to bond after I set my foot down and we had our first "family meeting".  These meetings I really hated as a kid, but aways felt better afterward.  Which is exactly what I told "my girls".  (Notice, how they are not my step-daughters anymore???  They're "my girls"????  I've jumped in and claimed them and things have gotten so much better.  Both inside my head and heart, and outside!! :-))

Most of what I know about relationships comes from my mother and the psychology background she has.  As she has always stated, the only thing you can control in life is your own reaction and feelings to a situation.  I knew I could not control how the girls acted, felt, or were raised in the past.  I knew I could change my outlook.  First, they didn't choose this.  Second, they would be respectful of me and my household, even if that meant taking away Christmas presents.  (Which I did threaten, seriously threaten to do.  And was fully prepared to follow through on if forced to.  The later of that statement, I think, is the most important!  Which hurt me, more than it hurt her, I'm sure of it.  I'm finally understanding all those parenting cliches that we all think are stupid until we ourselves are parents)  And things were much better.  There was more interaction, less head down and disengaging from reality.  More all being in the same room, less everyone to their own corner.  Granted everyone was in the same room all doing separate activities, but hey, I've decided to conquer one thing at a time here.  To quote my favorite line of all time, "I do one thing at a time, I do it very well, and THEN I move on."  Bonus points to all those who can name what that  comes from.  HINT:  70's TV show!  And who I think I 'm talking to is unknown, but as I said, ONE thing at a time!!

So things went really smoothly, shockingly, shockingly smoothly.  I only had one breakdown (post family meeting that is) and that was more about leaving a part of the girls here in the house.  If you walked into my house right now, well first you would know what a slob I am.  And second, you wouldn't even know two girls ages 9 and 17 spent 10 whole days here.  That hurt me.  And that statement in and of itself SHOCKED me to death!!  So, we spent the whole ride home and half the night discussing how to make things better.  AND I really think it will work.

I will discuss those in a later post (maybe even today!).  However, I'm leaving you with a picture of my nightstand reading.  You think I'm a little obsessed with my new role???

Notice, the one at the bottom.  Auntie Clause, my favorite kids Christmas book.  Told me more about myself than anything.  I like being Auntie, Mom or anything close like step-mom, kinda stresses me out.  I figure admission is the first step!!

Hope your Christmas, was just as enlightening as mine, with a little less whack in forehead with a 2x4!

Christmas Traditions

Okay, I realize, being new to this, I don't have many followers, but I'm in desperate need of input. This is my first Christmas married and with two step-daughters.

What do I do, to make it feel like Christmas, and not rushed or pressured.

I'm really worried about this, however, as my husband will testify, I am a GREAT worrier, about any and many things.  So I guess I shouldn't be concerned that I'm worried???

Please help, share your favorite Christmas traditions???

Please!!

Need your help to make this Christmas special!!

Thanks!

Sharing

Well, guess what??  I've discovered the secret to Step Parenting.  It's sharing.  I know, simple enough, how come it took me this long, and how in the world does it seem so hard.  Well to truly answer those questions, I must start at the beginning. 

I'm the oldest child and the only girl.  So sharing wasn't really learned well.  I mean what brother wants to play with his sister's girly toys.  And what sister wants to play with boy toys.  Definitely NOT me!!  I was never and will never be anything resembling a tom boy.  Besides some of my mom's MANY rules, I've discovered, were really anti-sharing.  Such as, no sharing of clothing or jewelry with any girl.  Do you know what that does to a junior high and high school girl's social life.  It crashes, but that's another story, all in and of itself.

So I must share more, share my space, share my things, share my relationships, especially with my husband.  I'm not good at sharing, never have been.  So please, pray for me.  Because you see, my lovely step-daughters will be spending 10 days with us for the holidays. 

Did you hear that???

10 full days??

I'm not freaking out.

No, not at all.

I wasn't meant to be a full-time mom.  I KNOW THIS.  If I had any doubts, believe me being a step mom every twelve days to a 9 and 17 year old, drives the point home.

Please pray for me, as I do try my best to share on the outside, while on the inside I will be screaming . . . .

LEAVE ME ALONE, IT'S ALL MINE like a silly two year old.

OH

MY

THIS

IS

GONNA

BE

HARD.

PLEASE PRAY!!

Thanks -
the worst step mom ever!

Food

OK, warning, this could be a long and uneventful post.  Me and food don't really get along.  I've been a picky eater as long as I can remember.  There are stories where my mom is just grateful I finally started eating solid foods, she thought she'd never get me off baby food.  So . . .

I'm newly married, you remember that, right??  New step mom means new wife.  He eats EVERYTHING.  And lots of it!!  He's twice my size, literally.  He weighs twice as much as I do.  Before you think he's some overweight morbidly obese man, let me say, I'm tiny.  Like really tiny.  By my stature some think I'm still 12 years old.  And since I write this without names, I will tell you, I'm 38, 5 foot 3 1/2 inches and weigh 110 pounds.  So you can see being twice my size makes you more along the lines of average size, a bit tall, but average. 

Tonight we ate my famous pumpkin pie.  It's the only thing I bake, and it has to be perfection.  This one wasn't.  But that's not the point.  His pie has to be slathered with Cool whip, like you can't even see the pie.  Mine has to be plain (plus I don't eat the crust, any of it at all!).  He tried to take my plate before I was finished scraping my crust.  Wow, I got a little defensive.  You should've seen his face.  It was a mixture of, "what -  my wife has an opinion about food" and "who are you and what have you done with my wife"  IT WAS HILARIOUS.  Wish you were here to experience it.  But so VERY glad the lovely step-daughters weren't here to witness even more of my strange eating habits!!

I realize now I should've taken a picture of his cool whip drowned pie and my scraped clean crust.  Would've made this post much more interesting, maybe I will add pics tomorrow!  :-)

But before I forget, things to discuss in further posts:

1. my strange food relationship and how it relates to my dancing career
2. the step-daughters strange food relationship and their mother's interesting journey with gastric bypass surgery
3. the fact that I don't cook and that the hubby cooks EVERY meal!!  (I've got it MADE!)

Hope that encourages you to keep following for all the weird things I will post in the future!!       ;-)

PS I love spell check, and I'm using should've even though spell check doesn't like it!!  LOL

Second Post

So it's time to post again, amazing how a blank screen can be a bit intimidating!!  But here goes - My thought for the week, is it bad that I'm looking forward to our "off" week???  Meaning this is the weekend without my wonderful step-daughters.  To take the time as our own, to sleep (or other activities - I mean come on - we've only been married 3 1/2 months!  TMI?) in our bedroom with the door open, to walk around dressed or not, is it bad to say I truly enjoy living life married to my man with no other person (or animal, that's a story for a different post) in this house??  If so, I'm bad and I admit it!!

On an unrelated note, is there anything that's too short to post, as long as it's longer than a tweet??  LOL

I'm new to this!

I’ve always wanted, or rather dreamed, of writing – being an author – typing in strange locations, at coffee houses, at home in front of the fireplace . . . You get the idea.  And lately I’ve found myself with some time on my hands, as well as, some new challenges; mainly marriage and children.  When I dreamed of getting married, never in my wildest imagination did I think I would get them both AT THE SAME TIME.  Well I did!!  I inherited, so to speak, a 9 year old step-daughter, a 17 year old step daughter, a dead 18 year old step-son, and a 18 year old step-nephew (that was treated like a son, as his mother was killed in a drunk driving accident 2 years ago.).  That is a lot for any one person to handle, and believe me I thought about chunking the whole idea more than once.  Just ask my husband.  You see MLA (my husband) is a very special person; a resilient and strong person.  He’s served overseas in the military and seen battle, participated in battle, and sent home friends in body bags.  And although he is very strong, he also loves strong.  The death of his sister in a drunk driving accident almost two years ago, shook him.  But  no one knew it.  That’s how strong he is.  Then his son was killed in a tragic 4 wheeler accident.  This almost killed my husband.  Did I mention he wasn’t my husband at this point in his life.  We had just reconnected, as we graduated from high school together and found each other via facebook.  Can you believe that?  Me either!!  We connected just 12 days before his son’s accident.  It was just talking (more like flirting, but I wasn’t admitting that to anyone!) until RLA’s death.  Then all the games and flirting stopped.  It was time to be there for MLA, and I have never felt a stronger calling on my life (if you will) than that particular calling.  We were in touch constantly via text for the next while, as we lived in different states.  My job at the time, prevented me from being there with him at the funeral with all of his family.  However, it was God’s will for us not to be together, not just yet anyway.  It was during this trial and tribulation that MLA began to see me differently.  At least that’s what he said.  My vision of him never changed.   I knew the instant we reconnected that something was special about this man, something meant just for me.  But I wasn’t ready to admit it to him, to myself, let alone anyone else. 

However, I’m getting a little off subject.  You see I’m writing (typing in front of the TV as we don’t have a fireplace in this house!) to express my feelings about many things, mainly step-parenting.  You see, as a step-parent, you are thrown into the fire.  There is no easing into it.  You have to jump in with both feet, all heart, and lots and lots of prayer.  Also, most of my friends who are married are still on their first marriage with what I call the “original” family.  To me an original family is one where the birth mother & birth father live under the same roof with the children they birthed.  I have no friends who are step-parents.  I have friends who have spouses that are step-parents, but none who are.  I couldn’t believe it.  I needed someone to talk to about all this, to vent to, to be there to yell at.  I didn’t have anyone, so this writing is going to be my venting.  It’s the only way I can see getting through this.  Because this past weekend, with the girls, I saw hope.  We drive 2 ½ hours one way to get the girls every other weekend.  So lots of time is spent in the car.  Which can be both a good and bad thing.  This last trip, I was tired, REALLY tired and fell asleep in the front seat.  Out of the blue, I hear the youngest one screaming at the top of her lungs, because she doesn’t understand there is more than one volume level in life.  We are trying to teach her, and actually making progress about using “inside” voices!!  She screams, “Hey, JLA . . . .”  to which my loving husband says, “She’s asleep.”  Then she WHISPERS, “ok dad, this is for you.”  I have no idea what else she said.  Because she WHISPERED because I WAS ASLEEP.  Please tell me you see the giant strides we made in that one sentence.  First, she realized she was being loud.  Second, she realized the considerate thing to do was to be quieter.  Quiet and Considerate.  These are both traits I see in this lovely young woman called my step-daughter, but this was the FIRST time she used these traits towards ME.  I was shocked, and yet AWAKE.  I was at a total loss as of how to react.  Do I wake up immediately and thank her for being so kind as to quiet down.  No then she knows I am awake, and her attempt worked.  Do I pretend to be asleep??  No, I’m the worst at pretending, at least pretending well enough to convince anyone else that my pretending is realistic.  So I laid there with my eyes half open, turned and smiled at my understanding husband.  Then I thought; does he understand?  Does he know?  We haven’t yet discussed it, and knowing him, he will say she’s always been considerate of you.  The things a man doesn’t understand are not up for discussion here, but please know, the relationship between his daughters and his wife is something he will never truly understand.  It’s just the nature of the beast.  It always will be. 

So there it is the hope of being a successful step­­­-parent.  Well successful isn’t the word.  However, I have yet to discover what the word is.  When I discover it, be sure, I will let you know. 

**Author's Note - I'm only using initials instead of names, to protect the feelings of my loving family!!!